Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
