so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
