Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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