i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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