I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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