Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
someone owes me an orgasm
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
