Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Will exercising make me less horny?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
