Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
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So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
im on a boat
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