i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
