He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
