i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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