Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
