Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
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Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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