the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
