i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
