i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
