Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
