Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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