Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
