i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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