So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
