Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
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You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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