You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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