Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
