Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
