he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
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If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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