Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex