I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
