I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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