HIV tests are more positive than that guy
youre lurking in front of me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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