That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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