i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
