just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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