all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
