i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
