I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
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Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
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I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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