Having a random hookup so left but love u
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
