There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
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Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
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Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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