dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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