sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Boobs speak an international language.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
