Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
