There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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