God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
