I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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