I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
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It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
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At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
When are your genitals available?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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