so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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