Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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