My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
