So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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