Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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