I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
