Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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