never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
