also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
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I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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