it's too hot outside to masturbate.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
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What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
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Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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