So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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