I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
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its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
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I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize