and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
