Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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