you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
