do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
