Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
