this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
