I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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